Let’s talk about Withdrawing from a trauma bond from a narcissistically abusive relationship.
What is a trauma bond?
It’s a neurological pathway that has been embedded in your brain from a toxic abusive cycle of dopamine cortisol, dopamine cortisol. Those chemicals were released in your brain because of the narcissist and while you were in the relationship.
You only had one coping mechanism.
Constantly thinking about the narcissist.
Constantly trying to correct it with the narcissist.
Constantly trying to make it right with the narcissist.
Obsessing over the narcissist.
The narcissist was the answer to giving you the dopamine to make you feel better and now when the narcissist is gone you have no coping skills.
See, our brain does a really good job of making us comfortable while we are in the trauma bond, hence the cognitive dissonance. Focus on the narcissist, make it right,” I love him”, “It is just that”, or “It will be better”. This is when you get the dopamine when you focus on the narcissist and make it right with them. Ignoring the part of you that knew all along that this was toxic for you. So now you have to build a new neurological pathway and new coping skills. The trauma bond is an easy hiking trail that is clear to see. Your new pathway is a new trail you are building from scratch. On the first day, you are in need of a machete, on the second day you will need to remove some rocks and debris and the more you walk that pathway, the easier it will get. The trauma bond will start to grow over, you have to live in the truth over your trauma path. You have to have a conversation with yourself fighting the easy path over the new one.
“Maybe they were a good person” -> No, they were not a good person.
“Maybe it was my fault “-> No, read back at your text messages.
You know what you lived.
Remind yourself over and over again, until it becomes your truth and your new pathway with your new coping skills. Because if you stay focused on the trauma path, you will stay on that path.
Stay strong, you got this.